Checking in…
Hi friends, it’s been a little while since I’ve shared and I just want to thank you for sticking around. I feel clear that this truly is a pause for K-DEER and myself, while also being clear that I’m in no rush to “get back to work”, as so much has been happening in my life. I’ve actually been doing “the work” by taking time to rest, reflect, grieve, heal and grow.
A bit on what life has been like since closing this K-DEER chapter in July: At the end of August, my family and I began to take care of my dad 24/7, sleeping by his side as his mind and body began to show us he was entering a new phase of life. We think it was long before we had an official diagnosis, and the signs of dementia were getting stronger and more challenging. We were unsure of when it came on because he had global aphasia from surviving a massive stroke 25 years ago and could not speak. His body was getting weaker and his behavior less predictable, but he remained playful, sweet and patient for the most part.
Through the fall we experienced a lot of sleepless nights as he experienced hallucinations, agitation and attempts to get out of bed. My mom, sisters and I worked as a team to make sure he was safe and comfortable and it was often overwhelming. In November, during the week of Thanksgiving, we were guided by a good friend to enter the hospice program where we could receive added time with an aide, nurse visits and other needs like a hospital bed. It helped and also started shifting our awareness of the months ahead.
We entered new phases every week. His abilities and mental health continued to change. His mood was shifting, sleeping sometimes for 15-18 hours at a time. The week or so before Christmas, he could no longer get out of bed. By the 19th of December, he mostly slept and stopped eating.
The hospice nurses and aides were our guides through the days leading up to his passing, assuring us his comfort and directing us with what medicines to administer. Lorazepam, risperidone and morphine became scheduled and sometimes spontaneous as we managed his condition hour by hour. We did whatever would reduce his agitation and ease his discomfort.
There are many details that I continue to process and ruminate on that I’m not yet ready to share. What I can say is that he made it through Christmas and on December 26th, around sunrise, he let go of this earthly plane to join the angels. My mom, sister and I were with him and it was a profound and powerful experience I'm still feeling and processing.
I am so grateful for my family and I am so grateful that the universe intervened in the last few years, so I could be there for my dad and my family in this deeply important time of our lives. I miss K-DEER very much; I miss the community, connection, purpose and impact that happened over the course of these 12 years.
I am grieving. A process so mysterious and unpredictable, that it may very well be one of my great teachers so far in life. I don’t try to understand it as much as I simply honor it and allow it. New parts to grieve reveal themselves daily and I trust the process that is ultimately guiding my growth. We grow through what we go through. I’m growing through the expression and recognition of my grief of both my father and of K-DEER.
If you have emailed or messaged and I have yet to respond, I am hoping you will continue to be patient as I am easing into the spring of my grief. If you are looking for inventory, we do not have anything available and I am sorry. I wish I could still share the special clothing we made but for now, the practice of accepting what is, is where we must be.
Please stay connected on @k.deer or @deerkristine on Instagram. You may also email me athello@k-deer.com. My personal IG account has some great pictures of my dad and my personal TikTok account was also dedicated to him, his art and aphasia - @deerkristine.
XOXO
Kristine
GM Kristine, I came to your site looking for shorts. I have hiked the 4 I have into the ground here inTennessee.
My heart and soul go out to you and your family 🙏🏻🙌🏻 so many losses in such a short time. Your dad is at peace and the love he has experienced in his lifetime is the most beautiful emotion we can gift each other.
I grieved my business loss from 2021 in NJ also, but new doors opened as I processed what was best for the family. I did lots of what if’s, could have’s, should have’s, but in the end our move was what was best for us. I teach here and practice my Reiki. Our lives are more spiritual and balanced now that I am not focused so much on productivity.
I identify with the growth mentally and spiritually and have faith you are being guided to your evolution of spirit. My number is the same if you ever wish to reach out. And if a road trip ever tickles your fancy I live in the most amazing mountains in Tennessee. With Blessings and love 💕 Sue Bonito
Sending you love and hugs to you and your family…your dad is truly always in your heart and I promise you’ll feel him close, like I do with my dad…
You’ll know when your next design chapter begins – rising phoenix 🤗🤗🤗
Kristine,
I’m so sad to hear about your Dad. I lost my Mom in December, too. She was also ill for a very long time. While a miss your brand, I’m happy for you that you were able to have the time to spend with your Dad before he transitioned to…whatever is next. Grief is a strange feeling. There’s nothing like it (thank goodness for that.)
What I stopped by to share with you when i discovered this entry, is that I walked in the Dallas Pride Parade this past Sunday and wore my rainbow Signature Stripes. I couldn’t take more than 10 steps without someone screaming, “I love your leggings!! Where can I get them?!?!?!”
When/if, you are ready and able to start producing again, you will be supported and blow this world away (for the second time!!) We love you! Thank you for being YOU.
I took care of my dad at home for five years. He passed away at 98, almost two months short of this 98 birthday. It is a heart breaking but unique experience that i will treasure. I still feel his presence with me in what he taught me, the books he read, the songs he sang. Your father will never leave your heart.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I went through a decline with my mother that included dementia. It’s a tough road at the end, but in hindsight, it gave me incredible quality peaceful time with my mom. It will definitely change the trajectory of your path from here. You are destined for great things, I am confident! 💕
I’m sorry to read about your father’s passing, losing family is so so difficult.
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Nancy
January 29, 2024
I came onto your site this morning to order more leggings, and found something more important… your post about your dad. I am so sorry to read of your father’s death. It’s been about 6 months since you made your post, and yet grief doesn’t have a timetable. May you continue to be comforted with the memories of the time you had together. May you also be comforted with the knowledge that you were there for him through the good, the bad, and even the terrible. Having been through the slow demise and death of both of my parents, I can empathize a bit.
I’m also sorry that supply chain issues caused you to make the difficult decision to close. I was thrilled last weekend to be able to wear your pants for the first time in 4 years. COVID weight gain prevented me from wearing them comfortably, and yet I kept them as they are still my favorite leggings. With some weight loss recently, I was so happy to fit into them again and wear the beautifully pink-striped pants teaching in a Zumba fundraiser for breast cancer last weekend. If you relaunch your brand, I’ll return as a happy customer.