Celebrating International Day of Yoga - A Message From Our Founder, Kristine Deer

When the student is ready the teacher appears.

I never thought yoga was for me, it was a seemingly boring activity in contrast to the intense soccer career I had throughout high school and college. But when I lost my job and my depression was growing, the invitation to take a Bikram class was welcomed and my competitive spirit perked up at the idea.

I went back, day after day, unable to pinpoint why I was returning to class but there was this satisfaction at the end that made me feel more certain of who I was. In the beginning, the motivation was losing weight. I'm glad that got me in the door, but what made me stay was the profound transformation that began to take place. I would stare at myself in the mirror for the first hour of class, judging and loathing the imperfections on my body, also assuming everyone around me was judging my body too. But little by little, I started to shed my anxiety about what others may have thought, mainly because I was so damn hot I couldn't stand to wear more than shorts and a sports bra. 

And then it happened. Acceptance.

I began to love myself and respect the state of my body and mind, and as soon as I did, I started to transform. Sure, my body changed, but I think I opened up my heart to possibility like I never had before. K-DEER was born out of this acceptance and I came from a place of having nothing to lose, so I went for it. I became a hot yoga teacher and planted the seeds for my brand through the practice of the yamas and niyamas. I joined a community of like minded people who loved the practice and were open to healing and change. I taught for almost 4 years, grew K-DEER and shared what I loved with thousands of people around the world.

And then it happened. Burnout. 

I broke up with yoga. I quit teaching. I judged myself again, gained weight and struggled with my confidence and self image. I went through periods of time where I considered myself 'non-functioning', not able to get out of bed, disconnecting from loved ones and friends, isolating myself. 

And then finally. Diagnosis.

I was in my office, crying on my Ikea futon when my sister stopped by. She thought something terrible had happened and it had. I hit rock bottom. We made a call to a local psychiatrist and made an appointment. He diagnosed me with major depressive disorder and anxiety and I started medication and therapy. I felt such shame for feeling like this when I had an amazing company growing around me with wonderful staff and an incredibly loyal following. I thought that if anyone in this yoga community found out I was depressed, I wouldn't be trusted or respected anymore. 

Oh, the yoga...

So I leaned in. I came back to my practice thanks to great teachers in my area that motivated me to dig deeper and accept myself as I was. K-DEER has given me so much joy in the last 9 years and I'm honored to serve through the values and ethics of yoga. I felt a disconnect from my purpose at the end of 2018 and realized I needed to teach again. So this January, I got back in front of a room of sweaty yogis to teach from my heart. I love it, it fuels me and keeps me connected to my community and purpose. 

So on this International Yoga Day, wherever you are- starting, obsessing, broken up or reconnected with your practice- thank it. The breath, the movement, the awareness and the opportunity to transform is always there for you. If you want to connect, you can always find me at hello@k-deer.com.

I absolutely love leading my yoga class with the best music - it gets your mind and body synced and in the mood to flow. Here is the current playlist that I use in my Tuesday night class! Enjoy!!

INTL Yoga Day Playlist