It feels as though I've temporarily forgotten who I am.
The me that started a company at 25 with nothing to lose, no real fear to stop me. The me that can tear up a dance floor and not care what anyone thinks. The me that can offer a divine dharma talk in front of a hot yoga class of 40 students. The me that attracts the most incredible human connections. The me that can cook, clean and design a home that is comforting and beautiful. The me that has values, boundaries and standards about how I’m treated and spoken to. The me that is kind to myself. The me that is loving towards myself. Hello? Where did she go???
She hid and got disoriented, traveling down a path based on fear, not love. The way I see it is that when I lose my way, it’s because I’ve lost my connection to the love I have for myself. I doubt my talent, my success, my abundance and my ability to love and be loved. I become fearful. I doubt my worthiness and enoughness. I hide.
Holding back my voice, dimming my light or hiding from being seen and heard takes more energy than just being my true self. When we hide ourselves, we do us all a disservice and waste our energy being someone we are truly not. The more YOU that you are, the more you will attract the energy and people who support you and vibrate at your frequency. You are a gift, a treasured soul that is loved and appreciated, so when you hide, we all don’t get to experience and enjoy your presence.
Sometimes, when my depression creeps up, I don't notice the facts and I immediately judge myself for feeling numb or out of control. I was diagnosed in 2012 with major depressive disorder and manage it with medication, therapy, exercise and a healthy diet. It's a daily practice of self love. And when that love evaporates, sometimes it's hard to know that the solution is within you.
I needed someone to check in with me and luckily my amazing girlfriend noticed the shift in my mood. So here I am doing that for you, in case you need it. Reach out to a trusted friend or make an appointment with your therapist. You can also email me at email@example.com to connect, but I’m not a therapist. Just a really good listener. Reconnecting to yourself is an intentional practice of letting go of fear and reclaiming the love you deserve to give yourself. Block out time just for you and honor your commitment to yourself by reading, listening, exercising or talking it out.
If you are looking for a therapist, there are many options out there. Betterhelp is a great virtual resource, pairing you with a therapist based on your needs. I have friends who use this and they have been very pleased with the process.
Another great resource is HelpPRO. Enter your location, age, insurance and specific needs and you will see a list of therapists in your area. Call and make an appointment. In my experience, it can take a few sessions to open up, but the more you share and are honest with your therapist, the more you can heal. I do Zoom sessions with my psychologist, Dr. McNulty, every week and she helps me process out the fear based emotions and replace them with love.
If a therapist isn’t quite what you need, Life Coaches are an amazing resource to help navigate life transitions, career growth or just getting out of your own damn way. My awesome coach/psychotherapist, Bailey Frumen, is the founder of The MindRise, an amazing company with coaches who work remotely. Another resource for coaches is www.coachfederation.org.
These are just some of the authors, researchers, scientists and creators who I have read, followed, listened to and appreciated, especially these last 6 months.